


If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print

by Bow_Woww



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Awful sexy talk, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Oneshot, Post-Canon, Roleplay, Russian Skating Family, Swearing, but it's real bad, dirty librarian jokes, sort of accidental voyeurism?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-26 22:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18291773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_Woww/pseuds/Bow_Woww
Summary: After Victor's final competitive season, his friends are hard at work planning a surprise retirement party for him. When Victor comes home earlier than expected from a meeting, his friends are left scrambling to hide their work so the surprise isn't ruined. Fortunately, Yuuri comes up with a very effective distraction.





	If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print

**Author's Note:**

> This idea randomly popped into my head while I was bored in class and I haven't been able to stop thinking about writing it. I hope it's as funny to you guys as it was in my head! 
> 
> FYI for all my fics, updating is going to get even more sporadic than usual pretty soon (which I know is saying something cuz I'm already pretty sporadic). I will be starting my clinical year of veterinary school in less than a month and I have no idea how much free time I'll have. I'm almost done with the next chapter of my Wicked AU and I hope to get one more chapter of Discourse done before then too, but I don't want to make any promises about timing since I honestly have no idea what kind of time I will have to write in the coming year and a half. I have a few other ideas in the works too, which I'll put at the bottom if you want to give feedback on what I should work on first :)

"Where do you want this, Yuuri?"  
  
Yuuri looked up from his checklist to the sight of a poodle shaped pinata shoved in his face. He blinked in mild surprise, then gently nudged the paper nose out of his vision, revealing his best friend's cheerful grin. It hadn't exactly been easy to find a shop to custom make a pinata in St. Petersburg, but the struggle had definitely been worth it to have such a marvelous finished product. Victor was going to be delighted.  
  
"Just on the couch, for now. We'll have to wedge the PVC pipe we got into the doorway to hang it," Yuuri instructed his friend, who was now letting Makkachin cautiously sniff the fake poodle. Her nose snuffled over every inch of the pinata before she gingerly clamped down on a piece of it's "fur" and trying to pull it out.  
  
"Makka, no!" Phichit scolded the poodle, pulling the pinata out of her reach and holding it over his head. With her advanced age, the pooch couldn't jump up to try and take it, though the look in her eyes told Yuuri she very much wanted to.  
  
"Here girl," Yuuri called, patting his leg to help get her attention as he pulled a dog treat out of a Makkachin shaped jar (specially commissioned by Victor) next to him on the counter. He had to call her name again a little louder for the old girl to hear him, but as soon as she did the pinata was immediately forgotten as she padded over to one of her owners to receive her prize. Yuuri patted her head affectionately as she chomped on her treat.  
  
Phichit chuckled, then returned to his task of carrying off the pinata. Chris, who had flown in just hours before, followed behind him with two very large variety packs of candy. It was definitely more than they needed, but both Yuri and Mila had insisted on getting the biggest bags available during their shopping trip. They claimed it was because they "only wanted the best for dear Vitya", but Yuuri knew it was because they wanted to hoard extra candy for themselves.  
  
"Chris, make sure you put the chocolate up high somewhere so Makka can't get it!" Yuuri called to the Swiss skater as went to drop the candy on the couch, very much at Makka's level.  
  
"Oops. I'm not used to having a dog around, I didn't think about it," Chris responded.  
  
"Makka's usually pretty good, and too old to get into too much trouble, but we've never trusted her again after the steamed bun incident. You can just drop them on the counter for now. She can't get up here anymore," Yuuri replied to Chris while checking off the last box labeled "cake", which was currently being carried in the door by a smiling Georgi. Being a hopeless romantic, Georgi had been thrilled with the idea of Victor's "beloved" spoiling him and setting up a surprise party in his honor. The man had spent the entire drive to the party store enthusing about how "beautiful" and "pure" their love was. Yuuri really didn't think he was doing anything all that spectacular, but he much preferred Georgi gushing about their relationship rather than complaining about his most recent heartbreak.  
  
Yuri, Mila, and Otabek followed in behind Georgi, all three of them eyeing the cake. Yuuri couldn't blame them; it looked amazing. It was an elegant, two tiered cake covered in a smooth fondant that faded from a rich navy at the bottom to a pale blue at the top in a perfect gradient. White, decorative snowflakes made of sugar were strategically placed around the cake, adding another layer of complexity. Yuuri's favorite part of the cake, a single skate affixed with a golden colored blade, sat upright on the top tier. It was Yuuri's favorite part not only because it looked incredible, but because it was also edible. The whole cake was chocolate strawberry, which was Victor's favorite flavor combination.  
  
"Wow," said Mila, filled with awe, "I can't believe how well that turned out."  
  
Yuuri nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I was worried at first that I was asking for something too ambitious, but they did a great job."  
  
He just wanted everything to be perfect. After dedicating more than two decades to the sport of competitive figure skating, Victor had finally hung up his skates and decided to retire, and Yuuri wasn't going to let him go out without a celebration. Yuuri had originally been worried that the subject of Victor's retirement would start a fight just as it had during their first season together, but it was pretty clear at the start of the most recent season that it would be Victor's last. He had been just shy of 30, and his knees were giving him more and more trouble every day. Neither of them wanted Victor to end up injured or so worn down that he wouldn't be able to set foot on the ice ever again, so they both easily agreed to finish out the season and then let Victor transition to coaching Yuuri full time. He'd even agreed to help Yakov coach some of the younger skaters, assuming their training didn't interfere with Yuuri's, of course. Somehow, Yuri had also weaseled his way into being Victor's part-time student. Yakov would still be his primary instructor, but the old coach had agreed surprisingly quickly to letting Victor start to take over some of Yuri's training. In fact, he seemed thrilled to see Victor taking on more responsibility. 

Yuuri had been planning this party since almost the day Victor told him about his decision to retire. It had been incredibly difficult to decide how to celebrate not only Victor's impressive career, but also their ability to finally finish planning their wedding, which they had agreed to hold off on until one of them retired so they would have more time to plan. Yuuri had considered surprising Victor with a luxury vacation, or a spa day, or a fancy venue with an even fancier dress code, but none of it seemed right. Victor was extravagant, sure, but he was also tired of the limelight. There was no where Yuuri could take him, save buying a private island (which Yuuri had actually looked into), where he wouldn't be recognized and potentially forced into his public persona. That was the last thing Yuuri wanted. In the end, Yuuri had decided on a low-key party with Victor's closest friends, followed by a relaxing vacation in Hasetsu. Both Yuuri's family and the Nishigoris had wanted to come to celebrate, but Yuuri felt that it was asking too much for them to put their lives on hold to fly to Russia, so he promised they would have a second celebration once they returned to Japan. He was, of course, slightly terrified that Victor would be bored, or unsatisfied with such a modest affair. Yuuri tried to tune that part of his brain out, but the closer they got to the day, the more worried he became.

Phichit, of course, had assured him on multiple occasions that Victor would love anything that Yuuri put together for him, but it was hard not to be concerned. Yuuri was very glad to have his best friend here today to keep him from panicking too much. Victor and Phichit had taken to each other quite quickly after exchanging numbers in Barcelona during their first season as coach and student. Both of them were cheerful, high energy, and loved teasing Yuuri. There were some days when Yuuri actually regretted introducing them, as Phichit took great pleasure in sharing stories about just how obsessed Yuuri was (is?) with Victor. Any time Victor would start a sentence with "Yuuri, guess what Phichit told me?" Yuuri knew that his feelings of regret were about to grow again. Unfortunately, Victor now knew about the time Phichit caught a drunken Yuuri serenading a poster of Victor, and how he had a Victor Nikiforov body pillow hidden away under his bed in Hasetsu.

"Wow Yuuri, you really went all out." Otabek gestured to the dozen or so bags in the room. Victor and Otabek weren't really all that close, nor were Yuuri and Otabek, but he and Yuri had become attached at the hip over the past few years. Even though Yuri hadn't asked, Yuuri had pretty much counted on him inviting Otabek. Both Victor and Yuuri liked him well enough, even if he was very quiet and stoic. If nothing else, he kept Yuri in line and definitely had a hand in soothing the younger skater's temper. Although Yuri had matured a lot since his senior debut season, he was still a feisty kitten on most days.

"Of course. It wouldn't be a party for Victor Nikiforov if it wasn't a little over the top." Yuuri smiled, and the group chuckled in response.

"Yeah, yeah. Are we going to start setting up, or what? The sooner we get ready, the sooner we can eat that cake!" Yuri looked ravenously at the cake. 

 _Typical teenager_ , Yuuri thought. "We have a lot of work to do, so we should get started. Yura, can you start with hanging up the pinata? The pipe is in one of the bags near the couch." Yuri was taller than him now, and almost taller than Georgi, so Yuuri gave him a task that would utilize his height.

Yuri nodded, motioning Otabek over to help him.

"And when you're done, can you and Otabek get the music ready? I'm assuming you'll hate what anyone else chooses so I'm just going to let you pick now." Otabek nodded, and Yuri mumbled a quiet approval. "Mila and Georgi, you two take care of setting up the lettering and decorations. Chris and Phichit, I'm going to need your help in the kitchen. We have a lot of food to make." Everyone nodded, and began taking their positions at Yuuri's direction.

Makkachin, who had been snoozing in her bed next to the couch, suddenly perked up, and padded over to the door with a wagging tail. She yipped quietly, scratching at the door. Yuuri froze, a feeling of dread settling in his stomach.

Phichit picked up on Yuuri's sudden change in attitude. "Yuuri? What's wrong?"

"She only does that when Victor is coming home. I don't know how she knows, because she can't hear well anymore, but she's never wrong."

Georgi shook his head. "No, I checked with Yakov earlier, he said that the meeting was supposed to go until 6:00."

"Shit," Yuri said as he glared at his phone. "Yakov texted me while we were carrying bags in and I didn't see. Victor left the meeting early."

Yuuri felt the panic increasing as Makka's tail started wagging faster. He had been planning this party for _months_ , he couldn't let the surprise get ruined.

"Quick, get all of this stuff hidden in the bedroom. Under the bed, or behind the box in the closet. Victor won't look there. I'll keep him distracted outside, then I'll try to get him out of the apartment so you can finish setting up." Yuuri made his way to the door as he finished talking. Victor was very likely almost there now.

"But Yuuri--" Phichit started, before Yuuri quickly cut him off.

"There's no time! I'm not letting this surprise get ruined, I've worked too hard to plan it. I'll get him out of here and then text you about what we should do." Yuuri glanced over his shoulder just long enough to see the group collectively nod, then get to work packing up all the items they had removed from the bags. He gently nudged Makka out of the way, before unlocking the door and slipping into the hallway, and straight into his fiance.

Trying to recover quickly, Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor and pulled him into a tight hug. Victor chuckled in response.

"Wow. And I thought Makkachin was the only one that got clingy when I left," Victor said, sounding a little cheeky.

Yuuri decided to roll with it. "What, I'm not allowed to miss my wonderful fiance?" He leaned up and pressed a brief kiss to Victor's lips.

Victor slowly pulled away, but only after planting a second kiss onto Yuuri's cheek. "I love that you miss me. Perhaps we could continue this inside?" Victor started reaching for the door.

"No!" Yuuri shouted, much louder than was acceptable for the situation. Victor just stared at him with a confused look on his face, so Yuuri tried to recover. "I mean...shouldn't we take Makka out first? Yeah. She totally needs a walk. I can grab her, and then we can go." Yuuri started to reach toward the door.

"Didn't you text me an hour ago saying Makka was all set until after dinner?"

Yuuri winced at the reminder. He thought he was being clever, getting Victor set up to come straight home and enjoy the party without having to worry about their dog, but his original plan was obviously back firing. And what was worse, Victor seemed to be picking up on how nervous he was.

"Yuuri, is everything ok?" Victor cupped his cheek lovingly, and Yuuri almost wanted to break right there. He didn't want Victor to worry about him because he was a terrible liar.

Instead, Yuuri did the one thing that he knew would distract his fiance and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Victor was clearly startled for a moment, before he melted into Yuuri, responding with soft moans and gasps and Yuuri nipped at his lips and tangled his finger into the older man's hair. Yuuri kept Victor busy for as long as he could, varying the pressure and intensity of his kisses to keep his fiance engaged.

Victor finally broke the kiss, pulling back slowly to give Yuuri a curious look. "What was that about? Not that I'm complaining, you just don't normally ambush me in the hall and kiss me." He started to reach for the door again, and this time Yuuri wasn't fast enough to distract him before the door started to swing open into the apartment. Over Victor's shoulder, he met Phichit's wide eyes as his best friend frantically tried to pick up the last bag of party favors. Victor hadn't turned yet, his attention still on Yuuri as he pushed his way into their shared apartment, but the sound of the rustling bag in Phichit's arms seemed to catch his attention, and he started to turn.

With a final, frantic glance at Phichit, Yuuri shoved one hand back into Victor's soft, silver hair, and place another onto his suit jacket, grabbing both in a tight grip. Victor let out a slight squeak of surprise as Yuuri jerked his head back toward him, while simultaneously pushing him back into the apartment with his hand on the older man's chest. He kicked the door closed behind him, trying to ignore Phichit's shocked expression in front of him.

"Vitya," Yuuri dropped his voice low, in the way he only did when he took charge in bed. "I've been thinking about you all day. Thinking about how bad I want you."

Victor's eyes widened, at the same time that Yuuri saw Phichit's jaw drop across the living room. Yuuri slowly leaned into Victor, nipping his ear playfully while simultaneously shooting his friend a death glare. Victor couldn't see his face, so Yuuri alternated mouthing the words "go" and "hurry up" at Phichit with nibbling on his fiance's ear and neck. Victor gasped quietly under Yuuri's attention, totally unaware of what was going on behind him.

Phichit mouthed back what Yuuri could only assume was "oh my god" and a thumbs up, placing a hand over his mouth to muffle his squeals of delight. Yuuri knew he was never going to live this down. Phichit was enjoying Yuuri's "plan" far too much.

After a particularly aggressive nip, which was definitely intensified by his current annoyance at Phichit, Victor moaned Yuuri's name loudly, placing his hands low on the younger man's back. That seemed to bring Phichit back to the reality where he was witnessing his best friend get frisky with his fiance right in front of him, and his look of glee changed to a much more embarrassed and horrified expression before he started slowly backing toward Victor and Yuuri's shared bedroom. Just as he crossed the threshold, and Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief that he was out of sight, Makka came trotting out of the room and toward her owners.

Victor turned toward her cheerfully, but fortunately Phichit and all of the party supplies were safely hidden away somewhere else. The older man cooed at his dog, scratching behind her ears as she licked at his hand and wagged her tail happily. Makka had definitely interrupted Yuuri's distraction/seduction, but he couldn't help but be grateful, because that gave him a chance to think about how to get Victor out of the house. Plus, he didn't have to get busy with his fiance while their friends were hiding somewhere in their apartment.

Satisfied with her greeting, Makka padded off back toward the bedroom, probably to go pester Phichit and snuffle through all the bags of party supplies. Victor straightened up, then made off in the same direction. Yuuri barely suppressed a panicked sound, grabbing Victor by the arm.

"Wait! Do you want to...uh..." Yuuri tried to frantically think of an excuse to get Victor out of the house. "...go to the library with me?"

Victor gave him a confused look. "What? Right now?"

Yuuri nodded perhaps a bit too frantically. "Yes! I have this book that I've desperately been wanting to read."

Victor was looking at him like he had three heads. "This can't wait until after I shower? And eat? They never have good food at these kind of meetings so I'm starving." He tried to pull away from Yuuri again to head toward the bedroom. Yuuri realized he was going to have to default to thing that had already proven to be able to keep Victor's attention.

Adjusting his grip on Victor's arm, Yuuri pulled back against him and practically dragged him over to the couch, throwing him onto the cushions and drawing an "oof" from the older man. Victor looked confused again, before a smirk settled across his features.

"Oh, I see. You need to go to the library. And what, by chance, do you need to check out?" Victor gave him a sultry look, spreading his legs suggestively. Yuuri wasn't sure if he was feeling horrified that his fiance was trying to roleplay a librarian scenario while their friends were very likely within earshot, or turned on because Victor looked damn good in his current outfit. It wasn't one of his fanciest suits, but he had still dressed up for the coach's meeting and like all of Victor's designer clothing, this one was tailored to perfectly fit every curve of his body.

With the positioning of the couch, Yuuri could look over the back and see the hallway that led to the two bedrooms, the linen closet, and the washer and dryer. He could also see Chris, Mila, and Phichit poking their heads around the corner, clearly all trying not to laugh at the ridiculous scenario. He must have been staring too long, or too sternly at their friends, because Victor raised a brow and started to turn toward what had his interest. In response, Yuuri hopped into his lap, immediately leaning into Victor's space.

"I have a book that's overdo but I can't pay my late fees. Is there anything else, or any _one_ else, I could do to get those taken care of?" Yuuri purred, putting his mouth as close to Victor's ear as he possibly could so he could take advantage of the same strategy he had used with Phichit and glare at the trio peeping around the corner.

Victor gently pushed Yuuri's chest back until he could look at the younger man's face. "Hmm that depends. What book was it?"

Yuuri groaned internally. He was going to have to come up with something clever and sexy. Neither of those things were easy to make up on a moments notice, especially when he was anxious about his plans getting ruined or his friends overhearing this ridiculous scene.

"It was...uh..." Victor was looking at him expectantly, his eyes clouded with lust. Normally that look was enough to melt him, but the ridiculousness of the situation was keeping him from getting too into it. "'Goblin Gangbang'."

Clearly not expecting that, Victor faltered for a moment and broke character. "Wow! I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Yuuri!"

Yuuri groaned, trying to ignore the shit eating grins on Phichit and Chris's faces. Mila wasn't visible anymore, and Yuuri couldn't help but feel a little thankful for that. Mila had become almost a younger sister to him, and she didn't need to hear this horrifying conversation. It was becoming clear that the group needed to leave, before Yuuri said something even more absurd, or the conversation progressed to a less PG-13 version. At this point, Yuuri wasn't even sure which option was worse. He tried frantically shifting his eyes toward the door, throwing in a slight head tilt to give them a clearer hint to leave. 

In the meantime, he just had to keep Victor distracted enough to not notice 6 people sneaking out of their apartment. Fortunately, Victor did seem to have his full attention on Yuuri, even if Yuuri was making a fool of himself. Victor was rubbing his hand up and down Yuuri's sides soothingly, and in any normal situation, he'd lean into the comfort and stop this train wreck. Unfortunately, Yuuri had to keep this train wreck going, as there were currently 6 figure skaters hiding in their bedroom.

Said skaters seemed to finally be making their way toward the exit. Phichit and Chris had finally stopped laughing at Yuuri, and were motioning to the rest of the group to follow them. Yuuri watched as Chris, followed by the rest of the group, started tip-toeing out of Yuuri and Victor's bedroom. Makka was prancing along beside the group, weaving in and out, trying to solicit attention from someone. Fortunately, Makka was making enough noise to hide any creaking floor boards of shuffling feet, and Victor was not bothered enough by the normal sounds of his dog moving around that he felt the need to turn.

Unfortunately, as Chris was reaching the middle of the room, Yuuri glanced past the Swiss and noticed the cake still sitting on the counter. He scowled, and Chris shrugged, unsure about Yuuri's shift in mood. He couldn't just leave it there, but there wasn't a place in the apartment to keep it. If he left it out, Victor would see it, but he couldn't think of a place to hide it where Makka wouldn't be able to get to it. The cake was fairly tall and wouldn't stay hidden in any cabinets either. The only solution was to send it with one of the other skaters.

Yuuri must have been quiet for too long, because Victor leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm ok. Really. I just...need to grab something from the bedroom." He said the last word forcefully, glancing briefly over Victor's shoulder to make purposeful eye contact with Chris. Without totally looking away from Victor, Yuuri could just see out of the corner of his eye that the group had stopped moving, but that they weren't going back to the bedroom. They needed another hint. "Yes, I'm going to get up and go to the bedroom. And get something. Right now. I'm getting up!" He announced, far too loudly.

"Ok...?" Victor looked at the younger man curiously.

Yuuri took a deep breath, then channeled his inner Eros as much as he could, considering the situation. He leaned into Victor again to whisper in his ear, "I want you to stay right here. You want your favorite patron to be satisfied, right?" Victor's breath hitched and he nodded. "Good. Then don't move."

He gingerly climbed off of Victor, letting his hands linger slightly longer than necessary on the older man's chest as he stood up, slowly. To Victor, it probably looked like his fiance was giving him a show. A very confusing and slightly bizarre show, but a show nonetheless. In reality, Yuuri was buying just enough time for Chris, who had been the farthest into the living room, to slip back into the bedroom. Yuuri blew Victor a kiss as he disappeared around the corner and into their room. As soon as he was out of Victor's line of sight, he felt the panic return.

Yuri was the first to greet him, looking at him with disgust. "What the fuck, Katsudon? We were almost out! I don't want to have to witness anymore of this than I already have." He whispered sharply.

"You left the cake on the counter!" Yuuri whispered back.

"I knew we were forgetting something..." Georgi muttered.

"So, let us sneak out, then hide it when the geezer is in the bathroom. He's like a million years old, I'm sure he'll use the bathroom soon enough," Yuri responded sharply, his voice almost tipping dangerously above a whisper.

Yuuri glared at him. "I don't have anywhere to hide it. At least, no where Makka couldn't reach. One of you needs to take it."

"I'll grab it," Otabek volunteered quickly, clearly wanting out as much as Yuri.

Yuuri nodded appreciatively. "Great. Ok, I'll keep Victor looking at me, then you guys can slip out."

Phichit barely contained a snort. "Right, you keep playing your slutty librarian game."

Yuuri's face burned. "I didn't mean for him to take the library thing in this direction! I was trying to get him to leave with me! Trust me, I'm as horrified as all of you are about this."

Mila giggled quietly. "I highly doubt that. You seemed pretty into it for a second there. Is 'Goblin Gangbang' the kind of thing you like to read?"

Everyone looked like they were trying to contain their laughter now, even Yuri, who had previously claimed to be disgusted by what had occurred. Yuuri, on the other hand, was less amused.

"I saw it in a BuzzFeed article and it popped into my head! I didn't exactly plan this," Yuuri tried to defend.

Just as Phichit opened his mouth to respond, Yuuri heard a whiny, "Yuuuuuuuuri!" from the living room. Victor was clearly getting impatient.

"Right, I should go back." As Yuuri turned to leave, Otabek stopped him.

"Didn't you tell Victor you were grabbing something? Won't he be suspicious if you come back empty handed?" The stoic skater asked logically.

Yuuri groaned in frustration. He really hadn't thought this through. Glancing around the room, Yuuri threw open the nearest drawer and reached inside, pawing around until he located a small bottle of lube. Yuri made a quiet noise of disgust, while Chris gave him a thump on the back. It wasn't like he was going to _use it_ while their friends were still here, but it wouldn't hurt to have it ready, right? Plus, it was the most logical thing that he would have gone to the room to grab.

Avoiding eye contact with everyone, Yuuri clutched the bottle in his hand and made his way back into the living room, hearing a quiet "get it, Yuuri!" from Phichit, and a "I'm never sitting on that couch again" from Yuri on his way out. Taking a deep breath, Yuuri collected himself before making his way around the couch. He was not prepared for what was waiting for him.

In Yuuri's absence, Victor had made himself more comfortable. He was now laying across the cushions, one arm over his head, while the other trailed suggestively down his abdomen, which was bare, just like the rest of him, because he was totally naked. The suit was actually draped fairly neatly on the lounge chair next to the couch. Yuuri should have expected it, because if there was one thing he learned about Victor Nikiforov in their time together, it was that his fiance would find any opportunity to take his clothes off. He also should have expected how all the blood in his brain immediately rushed south, because even after years together, he still found Victor incredibly attractive.

Victor grinned mischievously, obviously aware of his fiance's appraisal. "I'm glad you're back, Yuuri," he purred, "I've though of a way for you to repay your fines. Do you mind if I use my Dewy Decimal on you?"

 _That was awful! And made no sense!_ Yuuri looked at his fiance for a sign, any sign, that he was joking, but his face was still set in his signature "seductive grin". Yuuri pushed back a grimace, before letting his own sultry expression take over his face. He felt like it was a bit forced, but he hoped Victor would just assume any discomfort was just Yuuri feeling uncomfortable about trying something new.

Leaning into the horrible library pick up lines that some how seemed to be working for Victor, Yuuri continued, "I'm so glad I have a library card, because I really want to check you out." He climbed back onto the couch, straddling his fiance and placing the bottle of lube on the end table behind Victor's head. 

Victor grasped Yuuri's hips roughly. "Mmmm is that a hardcover, or are you just happy to see me?"

Yuuri grinned, and whispered, "why don't you find out?" Then, he pressed Victor into the couch, kissing him roughly and grinding his hips down. Victor moaned underneath him. He desperately tried to push aside the part of him that was still horrified about what he was doing in front of his friends. Victor was always very vocal during sex, and this time was no exception. Yuuri was usually much more free with his vocalizations as well, but there was no way he was going to let loose with 6 of their closest friends in the same room. However, he couldn't help an involuntary whimper as Victor's hands found their way under Yuuri's shirt and his nails scraped down his abs.

Peeking one eye open as he was sloppily making out with his fiance, Yuuri noted that, thankfully, Phichit was almost at the door. Right as the Thai skater reached out toward the door knob, Yuuri heard the sound of a stool being bumped across the floor. 

Victor's eyes opened and he pulled away from Yuuri. Victor couldn't see over the couch, but Yuuri could feel his muscles tensing like he was going to sit up to look. "Makka, what--"

Yuuri quickly pressed Victor back into the couch and bit the most sensitive spot on his neck, hard. Victor went loose beneath him again, and moaned loudly, as Yuuri picked up the terrible librarian dirty talk to distract him again. "Are you sure _you_ don't have an overdo book? Because you have 'fine' written all over you."

"Fuck, Yuuri. I didn't think you'd be so into this." Victor's hands found Yuuri's shirt again, and this time he made to pull it off. Yuuri was about to let him, since the group all seemed to be nearing the door anyway, when he realized another important detail that had been overlooked: the door squeaked when it opened. Loudly.

Realizing that Phichit was about to reach for the door handle again, Yuuri took a hold of Victor's wrists and firmly said, "wait!" He briefly flicked his eyes up to Phichit, hoping his best friend would catch that he was the one being addressed. "I...need to get something from the room again. Something super important. Yeah. So, don't move. At all."

Noticing that the group was once again retreating to the bedroom, Yuuri made to roll of Victor again, but the older man held him in place by his hips. "If you keep running away before you can pay your fee I might have to report you to receive some...disciplinary actions." Yuuri shuddered. Even if the situation, and the scenario, was totally ridiculous, he couldn't help but be affected by Victor's promise.

"I'll keep that in mind," Yuuri said with an awkward wink, before removing Victor's hands and climbing off of him again. He hurried back to the room, blushing furiously as he thought about their whole exchange, and who had heard it. When he stepped back into the bedroom, Yuri looked straight up murderous. 

"What now?!" He said as forcefully as a whisper would allow.

"The door. It's really loud and if you open it, Victor will notice," Yuuri explained.

The group collectively groaned, and Georgi offered, "perhaps it's time to call this off. Victor will still be surprised, even if everything isn't set up."

"Fuck that!" Yuri replied, his voice again almost increasing above a whisper. "Do you know how much gross shit I've heard now? I don't need the old man knowing I was here for this."

Mila nodded in agreement. "I'm with Yuri, it would be kind of weird at this point for Victor to realize we're here. I mean, he is naked, isn't he?"

Yuuri blushed. "Yeah, uh, he likes to take his clothes off."

Chris covered his mouth to cover a chuckle. "That is true."

From the living room, the group heard, "Yuuuuuuri, come back! I want to rearrange the classification system to put 'U' and 'I' together!"

Yuuri winced, and Phichit desperately tried to conceal his laughter. "Oh my god. These pickup lines are the worst thing I've ever heard. Is your sex life always this weird?"

"No! I have no idea why he's so into this," Yuuri admitted.

"Well, is it working for you?" Chris asked seriously.

Yuuri shot him an incredulous look, while Yuri made a gagging motion. Victor, meanwhile, called out again from the living room, "Yuuuuuuuri! Come see my bookworm!"

Yuuri buried his face in his hands. Even Otabek was trying, and failing, not to laugh at that one.

"I think your naughty librarian is lonely. Better get back out there," Chris scolded him playfully.

"I just need to grab something," Yuuri reminded him.

"Ugh, I don't want to see what else you pull out of that drawer," Yuri said as he very purposefully looked anywhere but at Yuuri.

"I actually have an idea. If I blindfold him, he won't be able to see you, even if you make noise."

"Kinky!" Phichit said cheerfully. Yuri made another gagging motion, and Georgi rubbed his arm awkwardly.

"Oh, the pinata came with a blindfold." Chris moved a few boxes under the bed, before reaching their stash of party supplies. He pulled the blindfold out and handed it to Yuuri.

Yuuri took it and quickly exited the room, not wanting to continue the conversation. He shuffled back into the living room, and back to his very naked fiance who in other circumstances, would have been quite irresistible. In this instance, however, he couldn't stop thinking about the 6 people who were crowded in their bedroom. Definitely a mood killer. Trying to shake that thought off, Yuuri approached Victor and immediately resumed his previous straddling position.

"I think I found something that will finally help me pay off this fee," Yuuri said smoothly, a lot more calmly than he actually felt. "Can I put it on you?"

Victor pretended to think for a moment. "Hmmm. I suppose this could be a suitable form of payment."

Yuuri took that as a confirmation, then slipped the blindfold over his fiance's eyes. Unfortunately, as the mask slid into place, Yuuri realized that the blindfold, which was meant to go along with the poodle pinata, was not plain black, as he had originally thought when he picked it up. In his frantic retreat, he hadn't noticed that it was a silly, gag-gift type blindfold, complete with two sets of googly eyes with massive eyelashes. Victor stared back at him with a smirk that was completely undone by the massive, cartoon style eyes that now seemed to be staring into his soul.

"You're so naughty, Yuuri." It was clearly supposed to sound seductive, but Yuuri couldn't take Victor seriously looking like a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" villain. He tried composing himself with deep breathing, rubbing his hand in circles on Victor's chest to try and reassure the other man that he was still present while he took time to settle down. He clamped his other hand over his mouth, tears starting to gather in his eyes from how hard he was trying to hold back laughter.

On the bright side, the group of 6 was at the door again, and Phichit was looking at him with raised eyebrows, seeming to ask if Yuuri was going to interrupt again. Getting his laugther under control, Yuuri gave a thumbs up, before turning his attention back to Victor. He couldn't stare directly at the Russian, so he opted to focus on a point on the wall in front of them. Phichit opened the door and Victor leaned his head toward the sound, but obviously could not see anything through the blindfold. As the last of the group slipped out the door, Yuuri caught Chris sending him a quick wink, before gently shutting the door behind him.

Yuuri let out a breath of relief, then leaned in to finally finish what they had started, closing his eyes to pretend those horrible eyes weren't staring back at him.

 

\----------------------

 

Despite everything that happened during the initial preparation, the party ended up going off without a hitch. After the conclusion of the "dirty librarian", Yuuri had hidden the mask away while Victor showered, and the older man never knew what he had worn. Yuuri texted Yuri to use his key to come back in with the group and decorate while Victor and Yuuri took Makkachin to the park. It wasn't a perfect plan, because Yuuri was supposed to make katsudon _before_ Victor got to the party, but it ended up working out because Victor loved to help Yuuri cook anyway. Yuri had reluctantly agreed, but only after telling Yuuri how disgusting he was.

Victor had been surprised, and moved, when he'd walked back into the apartment and seen all of his friends there. Yakov and Lilia had joined as well, bringing by an album full of pictures from Victor's junior days. Yuuri's favorite was the one of a pre-teen Victor sporting a mismatched, neon colored costume that his coach had begged him not to wear, but even back then Victor was fond of ignoring his coach's advice.

Victor loved the cake, but he ended up refusing to break the pinata because it "looked too much like Makkachin". Yuri, on the other hand, didn't care, and smashed the pinata into the ground, stalking off with the bulk of the candy and muttering about how he'd earned it. Yuuri couldn't really disagree, so he let the younger skater do what he wanted. Yuri had also refused to put on the blindfold for "obvious reasons". When the toasts started, Yuuri forgot that Yuri was old enough to drink and tried to hand him sparkling apple juice instead of Champagne. Yuri protested very loudly until he was given actual alcohol, but seemed content after.

The night ended perfectly, once their guests had left, and the pair was dancing happily around their living room. Makka was passed out in her bed, sleeping off all of the excitement from the day. Phichit and Chris were staying at a hotel nearby, since Yuuri hadn't been able to clean up the guest bedroom without arousing suspicion, and Otabek was, of course, staying with Yuri. The trio would be in town for the rest of the week and they had already made plans with their friends. After that, it was off to Hasetsu.

Victor kissed Yuuri tenderly on the forehead as they moved in a lazy waltz around the living room. "Thank you. This was perfect."

Yuuri chuckled because of course, it really hadn't been, but Victor was happy and that was all that mattered. He leaned up and returned the favor, planting a kiss on Victor's forehead. "Anything for you, Vitya."

As far as Yuuri knew, Victor never found out about what happened before the party. Chris, Phichit, and Mila would tease Yuuri on and off, while Yuri, Georgi, and Otabek seemed to be trying very hard to forget what they had seen and heard.

Yuuri probably should have been suspicious when neither Phichit, Chris, nor Mila brought up the incident for nearly a week when they were about a month or so out from the party, but he had naievly hoped that the three had finally decided to drop it. It was only a few days after their return from Hasetsu when a package showed up addressed to Yuuri. It was heavy, and he couldn't remember ordering anything, so he almost went to get rid of it (crazy fans were unfortunately a risk), but then he found a note stating that it was a gift from Phichit, Chris, and Mila. Without thinking, Yuuri opened the box in the living room, right in front of Victor.

The box was filled with books, just books. At first Yuuri didn't realize why they were sent to him, until he noticed the title of one called "Goblin Gangbang". Suddenly the others, "I Fucked a Zombie Horde", "Taken by the Tentacle Monster", "Bigfoot's Bride", "Snowballin: I Fucked Frosty", and "I Fucked Cthulu" suddenly made sense. Yuuri groaned as Victor's eyes lit up at their new collection.

"Wow, you were into that librarian thing this much?" Victor asked as he sorted through the books.

Yuuri just groaned again in response. Victor set the books down, then padded over to Yuuri to wrap him in a comforting hug. "It's alright, Yuuri. I love you even if you have weird taste in books."

He buried his head in Victor's shoulder as the older man rubbed circles on his back. "Hey," Victor started, "I'd catalogue you under 'desirable'."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear from you!
> 
> By the way, THOSE BOOKS ARE REAL. I looked up weird sex books for this fic and I definitely should've done it on incognito because there are some really bizarre ones out there. Be careful what you Google, friends. I definitely also looked up dirty librarian puns, which was a fun time. 
> 
> If you have any opinions on what I should focus on, I have a few things in mind and I would totally be open to some input:
> 
> 1.) Finish my current fics before starting something new (I will definitely keep working on them, but adding in a new project would very likely slow me down even more)  
> 2.) A dog groomer/veterinarian AU  
> 3.) A darker but not too dark kidnapping AU (I have about the first 1k written of this from when my roommate was making me watch creepy crime videos and I felt weirdly inspired to write something)  
> 4.) A humor series with oneshots focusing on Victuuri starring in popular internet interview type videos (i.e. internet's most searched questions, hot wing challenge, mean tweets, etc)  
> 5.) An Enchanted AU featuring Prince!Victor and Exasperated!Yuuri


End file.
